Another Ubin Trip?

Hihi! Back here again!

Well! Today is definitely not the most exciting of Saturdays. I had pretty much nothing to do! Still Thankfully, I have new books to read =]!

Picked up Calvin and Hobbes and a few other comics recently. Loved reading them. I never knew they existed. I thought they existed only in the Life section of the newspaper now, I have them in a book. Sure beats reading 4 squares a day!

The week had been interesting. Very interesting and a little worrying.

Now something kept bugging me. The Youth Event. Ubin Cycling don’t seems to be heading where I wanted it the head. Many are backing out. I guess no one’s that adventurous any more. What made my secondary school life really interesting is because I have a lot of interesting and adventurous friends….

There’s The Slackers and Hammers…our soccer cliques that played soccer early in the morning before school started, drove teachers nuts in the afternoon when school started and had crazy games after school ended. I remember our large scaled catching games when I was the only runner. It was great fun our running, out witting. We Scaled the school building, discovered new entry and exit routes in and out of the school, climb over 2 storey high fences to reclaim our soccer ball, breaking in to classrooms to get our text-book, break a few windows, stole clothes from the book shop(ok…this is not really good) and turning the entire school into our playground.

There’s my O’level’s study group. With people who left pretty deep scars in my life. There is Daniel, we discuss fights, teach me how to fight, talked about girls, life, likes and dislikes, cool stuffs and practically everything under the sky. He is one of the few that can can actually converse well with. He had a lot fo fun together. I remember him teaching me how to fight, to punch and to kick. We used to go to the amphitheatre together to take it out on the punching back.There was also that time whereby he tried teaching me swordplay using my badminton rackets. I almost had a heart attack each time he took a swing with my precious racket. And also there was this  time he tried to show me the effectiveness of a scythe by using a dislodged plank from the bench. Hahahaha… I think we shocked a teacher.  And… I still remember that day you told me how you hated christians, how you hated God, how you hated your life…and the day you told me you are dropping from faith….that you are ranked with the demons……that I’ll be like you one day when I get to know more about the faith. That I will not be a christian for long.  It hurt real bad… I wonder where are you not? But I wanted you to know that I’m doing well and I hope that your life had improved and that you can come back soon.

There is also Pamela. Daniel and me bumped into her and Mengxue and Jue Ying one day when we were in the amphitheatre. What a start we had. We Quarrelled….actually is Daniel and them quarrelled. Well…he thought they we too noisy. Then We became friends. We played badminton together a lot. Had so much fun…And the crazy SHE supporters. We almost create a badminton club…hahaha…the Amphitheatre became so crowded. Noisy, hyper, pretty and quite a trouble maker. Oh Well…sorry for abandoning you to play soccer. Sorry for the inability to be a friend when you mother had cancer and died for it. It really hurt to heard you say that there is no hope and God cannot do a thing. . . I hope you are better now and that you will come back to God. Daniel and you are probably the only two person constant in my prayers…

There’s MengXue! Our China Girl. Hahhaha…I remember how happy you are to receive hamster….and how you cried on the phone when one of them died because you fed it durian….Seriously….Durians…what were you thinking. I wonder where are you now…Are you still in Singapore?

There’s Tabitha. The Short tabby cat who I stole the trade mark drawing from. She’s probably the only sane one in the group. Hahaha. I know you are doing well…great parents you have…keep growing..

There’s Tian Tian…the Tom Boy. Hahhaha! Missed your Antics. And your Quarrels with Daniel. You’ll probably the only other person other than me who will shout across the school to get someone’s attention. 

What a crazy group we were. You all taught me to loosen up and be noisy person.

There was the Boys Brigade. My Ambitious climb to power. The peak of my adventurous life. I had so much fun. Wei Long, Liang Chen…what pride we had in leading our little group.
Wei Long the brightest. Well…first class student…philosopical, Clark Kent wannabe. You are definitely more responsible as I’m more interested in doing more things only. Hahhaha I remembered your guppy collection….my dad’s doing it now. Hahaha
Liang Chen, we share a lot of similar taste in songs. Introduced me my favourite song. Never Had a Dream come True.  
I missed training with you guys, marching with you guys, leading with you guys, being with you guys.   

Oh…there is Jtaime…Well… my supposed angel. Got my phone number from who knows and called me to match make me with her friend, discuss about my body and trying to get me to sing. Ended up you fell for me….Hahahhaa. Wonder  actually agreed and got attached to you. Hahahaha. I remembered our times studying together, your drawings…which I treasured but lost them I think Hahaha. Well! Happily attached now I wished you the best.

I was quite a trouble maker and yet an angel in people’s eyes. Hahaha….I really missed those days. 

Hmmm…I’m suppose to talk about my UBIN TRIP! Why did I stray here? Remembering the past is so so so painful. I realised friends like that I don’t have anymore. Ouch. That hurts. Ok! BAck to Ubin Trip. Kind of worried as a lot of the leaders have pulled out. My brother made a really sharp statement today. He said. How can the youths commit if the Leaders do not commit. Ouch. And he said he is not committing. Hmmm…Uni is really busy…I wish those kids the best. Hahaha. When I go Uni, God help me to be able to serve you and if not more. Just like you set me apart from all other year 3s during my time in SYFC =]! I know you are an awesome God. You have always proven so. =]

Uncle Chee Meng, Aunty Jackie, Dons and his family and Seok Knoon today! Found out that Dons and JAckie are CALVIN AND HOBBES FANS! Kimberly the daughter was super cute…she’s eating and falling asleep at the same time! HOW AWESOME IS THAT? I remember not liking afternoon naps when I was young but I did not end up like that. hahahah. Banged her head on the table…ouch. Then there is laura that ran till she fell. Then to ran to her mommy Iky and hit her! HAhaha! The scene was so comical Iky had that stunned looked and protested innocent! Hahahha

I hope tommorrow’s Trip is good! FOr Now..Tada!
Need to Go sleep! Ushering tml!
and Book in….Argh…I hate Sundays now….hahahahhaa

Two Really Nice Days!

HiiieE!
Finally A new Post! No inspiration however, just boredom.
This last week had been a pretty good week, I guess I’m taking a break from tough times now.
Still, thinking about the work I have on hand is enough to turn me blue.
There is still so much investigations left to do and it’s not moving.
A huge evangelistic event upcoming and I’m really uneasy about how it is progressing.
This Sunday the YFers are going to cycle in Pulua Ubin but I have not finish planning yet! In fact, my recce was not really successful. Think I’ll go Ubin alone this Wed. Work needs to be done. Sometimes, I wished for a buddy that can be present at times like this to go all out with me.

Oh wellls, talking about Pulua Ubin, I had a really great and fun time last Saturday. It was a really pack day and I was running high on adrendaline the whole time. (Mostly Due to Lack of Sleep) It started on Friday, when I was the Duty Officer of the Battalion. Being the Duty Officer, I know I will have a lack of sleep…which I did. The Morning started with an insane rush to 3 places. Thanks to mother who chose to live apart. Thankfully, the taking over officer, came early an I was able to have a 30 minutes headstart against time.

I was really jumpy the entire morning and my temper was real bad. I have to remind myself to solve issues calmly. I had a unexpected problem when I attempted to print the map of Ubin. Somehow, my laptop decided not to detect the printer. I tried solving the issue but ended up breaking my cup. My Favourite Cup! After a few really needless curses, I cleared the mess, and abandoned trying to print the map. Time was short…or at least to me. I arrived exactly on time; meeting Amandaz on the way. And then spent the next thirty minutes waiting for the late comers. Now…I really don’t appreciate this. Still, It’s a wedding I’m about to attend. Jacob, my Campus Crusade Mentor’s Wedding. How can I not feel happy?
The Wedding was really sweet and nice, spiced with Jacob’s usual antics. My only regret was being unable to stay to eat the refreshments and to take photos with my friends.

Rushed to Tenah Merah MRT from Toa Payoh MRT where I redenvous with Shi En, Clarence and Amandaz. Gordon my brother had dad to drive him to changi village. Clarence ran a little late, I was getting nervous due to the shortage of time I had on hand. This was worsen when we had to eat at subway. Now…I am 1 hour behind scheduled time.

This trip was really special because, Shi En, Clarence and Amandaz have never been to Pulua Ubin! Haha! If we have more time, I wanted to show them so much more. We recced the east side of Ubin. Ok…not the entire east side but enough to know that Chek Jawa had some renovation going on! So, This Wednesday, I must go and recce Ubin again. Who’s freee? hahaha

The group was caught in the rain while cycling. At first I was dismayed, I didn’t intend for everyone to get drenched. The nearest shelter was also really far. However, the rain washed away the problems and i remembered that I’ve asked God for an opportunty to walk in the rain on facebook about a week ago. 28FEB. There is something about the rain that lifts up my mood. I was really really happy. God is really sweet =]. The Group took shelter under the trees and thankfully there is 2 umbrellas. Shi En and Amandaz spied a english gentleman sheltering alone a few meters away. I was requested to asked him to join us. He did with a big smile. The Rain lasted for a good 10 -20 minutes? During that time, I played in the rain and join in the chat with the english gentleman.

He happened to be from Man City. Much to Amandaz’s delight. When the rain stopped, we bid the man city chap good bye and head back to the jetty. Lots of photos were taken. Clarence and me took turns to be the photographer. Amandaz’z camera was drenched so we dare not use it. Shi En told her to put it in rice. Wow…that’s something new. Got to test it out one day. So! pictures are taken from Clarence’s awesome IPhone! It was about this time when I finally got back my feel of freehand cycling! =]! Cheers Cheers! I remember teaching my crusade mates to free hand….hahaha….good old times.

Back to the jetty, we explored the beach. Almost fell off the slippery stones in the area. That however did not stop Clarence and Amandaz from hopping on to the rocks, taking really scenic photos and having difficulties getting off the rocks. Hahaha. Shi En then went on to build a village of snails. The Snails…the colourful onces however, did not share her vision of a village so they went crawling off the village and they do crawl fast! Shi En, undaunted, continued to consolidate them. Hahaha…sounds dictatorish ah? We had a good laugh and we head off the the huge rock and the end of the beach for our final photo shoot! It was slippery and we were half expecting to fall into the sea. Hahaha!

Gordon spotted interesting seaweeds which someone hoped would shrink when you touch them. Hahaha….Just like Avatar. However it did not shrink. There was also a huge and weird foot print on the sand.

After the posings and snappings, we finally head back to singapore. We had some really good chicken rice suggested by Gordon before heading back to home really satisfied with a weekend well spent. I wish people will stop polluting Pulua Ubin. the amount of wild life there seems to have significantly declined.

Way before this, I had a great dinner outing with Audrey, Sally, Joshua and Ginette. This too was a trip of great fun!
We met to eat at this Ramen Store which my Tudi Nut and I found while scouting for food. The food was good and we had lots of laughs. shared my New Zealand Chocolates but they were really too sweet! I should have gotten the other Chocolate. That was really really nice. Audrey was the first to arrived. I arrive 2nd and spent some time chatting to her about Winnie. She gave really good advice but I don’t think I want to reconcil anymore. I had thought through about it and decide no. Thanks Aud still…glad to have an awesome friend like you around to watch out . Ginette came third and joshua followed shortly. Hahahah…I always think that they are an item. hahhaha. (Joshua’s so gonna kill me if he reads this =p) Our VIP was Sally. Wait…VLP Very Late Person. We redenvous with Sally at the Movie area because Ginette wanted to take photos with posters. It was then we also planned to look at cameras for Audrey. She wanted a Toy Camera! Hahaha. The trip to the Ramen Store was kind of excited. Ginette and Joshua were missing half the time as they are running about ahead of us. Hhahaha…now you see why?

After a long walk, we reached our destination and dig in to our Ramens. After we had our food, we headed to a weird shopping centre to look at cameras. Yeap! We saw a group of guys playing some trading card games. The weird thing is the Cards are all pictures of animated girls. What kind of game is that? Otaku?

Then we all head to somewhere nostalgic. The Arcade. We watched Audrey and Ginette hit the Dance Dance Revoluation Machine and the Juke Box. It was quite a sight! We had Great fun and Ended the Day.

That’s it for now! Tada!

I’ll stand by you

OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?
TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES
COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW
DON’T BE ASHAMED TO CRY
LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH
‘CAUSE I’VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOTHING YOU CONFESS
COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS

I’LL STAND BY YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
WON’T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU

SO IF YOU’RE MAD, GET MAD
DON’T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE
COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW
HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?
I GET ANGRY TOO
WELL I’M A LOT LIKE YOU
WHEN YOU’RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS
AND DON’T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE
LET ME COME ALONG
‘CAUSE EVEN IF YOU’RE WRONG

I’LL STAND BY YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
WON’T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I’LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU

AND WHEN…
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU, BABY
YOU’RE FEELING ALL ALONE
YOU WON’T BE ON YOUR OWN

I’LL STAND BY YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
WON’T LET NOBODY HURT YOU

I’LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I’LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
WON’T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU
WON’T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I’LL STAND BY YOU

Awww….sweet….
There’s so much uncertainty and so much to hope for now.
God…I need you.
I’ll like to say if only you are here…material, like how you were when you came as Jesus but that will be foolish of me. . . I can’t stand in your presence.
I thank you for still being with me despite that I can’t see, feel, touch or hear you.
I know that no matter how uncertain life will be, I have you by my side always…and I need not be afriad.

I now pray that I don’t do anything stupid out of negative emotions.
Oh!! It’s prayer day! Paul! Here I come!

We are family…till you do something wrong.

Hiiya!

Well! no Surprise! It’s a long time since i last blog.
I should really put to heart to blog more often! Reflection is good for the soul. Hahaha…now…where did I hear that from? True or not?

I won’t say things have improved from the last time I blogged. Personally, I think there is much to work on! I’m having fun. My first big work have arrive and I’m really eager to do well. I know God place me here to settle a really important life skill. Administration and Details. Wait…that’s two. Yeap. So here I am! Cracking my head learning and doing! I do hope to do well! Wait…I have to do well. A lot is at stake. Hahaha

Anyway, today I want to talk about a really interesting topic that popped out recently….or at least I was chatting about it with God.

It’s about Jonathan Wong. Or I think that is his name. Well….a little about what happened to this young man. He’s an aspiring young man. Going on a scholarship. His friends in school describe him as loud and arrogant. His church mate describes him as one who knows the word of God really well. He seems like an okay young man until he was caught possessing child pornography.

He appeared on the news. His crime declared to the world and in church last Sunday, we talked about him during our session on sexual sins.

Now here’s the thing. Although not everybody violently accused him of being a monster during the session, but a few accusation are made. Two of them happen to caught my attention.

1) He reads a lot of the bible but yet do not know the bible. (Head knowledge)
2) He is a sunday Christian.

I find these accusations very unfair. Come on. Do we even know him personally and intimately? How then can we find base to make such accusations? Do you know his walk with his God. If we do not know how then can we make such judgement? Furthermore. . . He memories the scriptures. . . do you even read your bible? Do you not too have your dark secrets? Or are you blind to them?

What if, What if ….this young man, knows that he has a problem with pornography. All this while, he’s been doing what he can to fight it. He reads the bible. He fervently memories the scriptures. He recites it each day, reads the word of God religiously and prayed desperately for God to remove the wicked sin from his mind and heart. While doing it he won some battles and lost some. People started to see him as a true christian… just as how they view anyone who knows a bit of the bible. Some even see him as proud because of the line he set between right and wrong. However what everybody cannot see is the corruption that had already taken root. What people cannot see is that he fights a losing battle. A losing battle that he had fought alone. Why? Because he feel that if he told anyone, he will be condemned and people will declare it out. Till that fateful day when everything seems to be alright till he was caught …with child pornography and…his world crashed.

Would you as brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers condemned him then? Condemned a fallen sibling. He’s dirty. How can he do such a wicked thing? Child pornography? Don’t he know how those people got those pictures? How those children gets taken advantaged of? their lives destroyed? How can he? That’s beyond human.

Or will you grieve at your failure to be a family in Christ. That you fail to know or probably choose to ignore that he is a brother in Christ and am susceptible to something very rampant among young males today. Pornography. That you had done absolutely nothing and may have even paved a little to aid his downfall while he fought the battle alone. NOW we stand as judges and we condemn him as someone we want little to do with. Someone best kept far away. We’ll still love him of course. He’s a church member. But we’ll love him from a distance…and we’ll pray for him….after we pray about what we want and….if we remember.

You see…the bible says… Do to others as you would have them do to you. If we have a problem naturally….we would want help and we would appreciate if no one adds to our burden. If we had loved each other in church, we would not only watch what we do, say or wear, we would also take active steps to look out for one another. However….most of the time… i believe we are stuck at step one. After all, we have the right to do anything we like, say anything we like and wear anything we like. Even if the bible did specifically mention how we should behave, talk and dress, it’s probably not applicable today. or at least I don’t want it to be applicable. It’s so restraining.

Anyway, my quiet time today was about sacrifice.
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 12:24-25
It made me think about a memory verse I had. it goes something like….greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

If we love, we will sacrifice our rights, comfort or what is deemed as life so that…we will build each other up. And…it is not easy. Not easy at all.

Well…that’s for my walk in the rain thoughts…

Back to me…. Things are not really at it’s best right now. Gonna have to go back to camp on Christmas. Don’t really fancy it but someone have to take it. Well…that’s the least of my worries. Dad attempted to borrow money from me recently. That’s disturbing. Is he not doing well? Think about that brings me to a certain phrase my mom once told me. “Your(me) job is to study and do well, our(my parents) job is to work hard and ensure that you have money to eat and study. “…..Hey mom….I’ve done my job. I might not be the best, but I did get 3.61 for my GPA and honor rolls. What have your side done? You ran from home, dad and you does not seems to be able to support bro and me any more. I’ve not asked of you yet. I’m still pretending that everything is ok and that nothing bad or wrong has happened. But don’t you think you all have gone too far?

When I looked at you guys, i don’t really feel secure about my future…will I make the same mistakes? I realized too that I no longer have a pillar to lean on. You won’t be able to support me through university. Although you are nagging at me to apply for university. Some family expert once spoke on a seminar. . . a child from a dysfunctional family will most likely produce a dysfunctional family……Hmmm….no…. I will not end up like you guys did. I will not and must not. I will build a strong and happy family and I’ll prove that guy wrong. God help me.

Anyways…I think I’ll stop here. Enough rambling. I must renew my fights and focus. Next Bad Boys Band, I must bring good news.

Time to drop distractions. Can’t let anything bring me down now.
….Oh….about Johnathan…. I believe God loves him and loves him still. Loves him enough to know what he has done recently and still die for him on the cross.

There and About…

It’s a long time since I have posted. Life had been exciting. A roller coaster. There are many treasured times which I now crave to have more and also….unfortunately many things I wished I didn’t have to face.

Congratulations to myself. I am now a commissioned officer of the singapore armed forces. Am posted to 21 SA as the DY S1. Commissioning was great joy. Was really happy that Desmond came. Was really sad that my fyp mates were unable to make. There was a deep regret and a wish that I should have asked another group of people to come…people I know who are more likely to come…But it is a one time event. A mar is a mar forever…in that picture. Still, it’s a day to be proud of. An Achievement. For braving through the fires of OCS, heart rending moments with her and some irritating fellow cadets out to make life miserable. Still…I want to thank God and many dear brothers and sisters that gave me much comfort throughout the course itself.

Some are the very same people who supported me through BMT.Not according to Merit…
1) Desmond Tan
2) Weisheng Guan
3) Auntie Irene
4) Bernice Cheng
5) Audrey Lian
6) Tommy
7) Boon Siong
8) Paul Yong
9) Wong Peng Soon
10) Dons Joshua
11) Ken
12) Hazel Nut
13) Auntie Lynette
14) Solomon Lee

Thank you all for your words of comfort and encouragement in times of trials.

Currently enjoying life in my new unit. Work is new and tough but hey! I’m ready to tackle em!

Yesterday’s Children’s day. Happen to have leave! Sweet…. Went to the Orphanage with Jude. A Primary School girls convent. It is pretty sweet. They had a carnival and a surprise visit by their old time volunteer JUDE! HAhaha….He is called kor kor Jude. Being there made me forget how ugly the world…life….my life is . The simple joy and peace is…so touching that i wanted to break down and cry.
So many things cross my mind. How are all these young people fare in the future? Who will they grow up into? It made me remember what a pessimist I was or am. Seriously…I’m not really different from the people I help. I have problems too. Just that they had someone to whine to and I don’t and they can solve theirs by not being so childish or stupid while mine can’t.
The kids were friendly and soon I join in the fray! The Carnival was ingeniously manned by half of them in the first round and switched over at the second round. Incentives were give for them to wash their cups and to do good things. Hahaha..the orphanage is great. Then there’s this sweet little girl call Ee Shuen. Gave me a grasshopper as a souvenir to to bring home. Hahaha…took me to tour the place too! I had so much fun! We spend quite alot of time there…initially I was worried that there may be nothing to do there…especially when I had from Jude that it was an all girls orphanage. There was one boy thought. hahaha…poor boy.

After that, Jude and I rushed down to HSA to donate blood. It’s been a long time since I had donated blood. I’M BACK TO SQUARE ONE!! I’m terrified again!!! Same old fear crept in but im glad that this time round I had a friend with me. It used to be very lonely fighting this alone. I felt as if everyone left me to die. Hahaha…This time there is Jude. He’s not afraid but having someone to talk to is great. Further more I had a pretty nurse who made blood donating alot easier. I believe that I did not drink enough water and that cause my veins to collapse. Hahaha. So blood flow was slow…and this is the irritating thing. Now, the blood donation system has an alarm that beeps if your blood flow is slow or if you took more than 10 minutes to donate! SUPER ANNOYING!! hahahaa. Anyways the Nurse was great! Keeping me company and massaging my hand to make the blood flow. LOL.

Parted ways with Jude thereafter a meal. OH! We met a 62 year old lady! She needed help! So we help her to the bus stop. Then she shared the Gospel to use and pray with us. That’s sweet. Well…Jude! May you see the Truth one day =].

Met Winnie after that. Traveled to Sembawang where she gave tuition to her kid and I explore the hand phone shop. MANAGE TO CONTACT DON !! HAhaha..We are going to buy new phones together in Dec=] Long time never see him le =]!! check a little with Denan and I think I know what phone I want le =]

After that, Travel with Winnie Back…parted ways at Dhoby Ghaut. She went home and I went to Catch the Campus Crusaders….How I missed them… ate at Ash Rock Cafe! Shared our lives in Swensen.I missed the old days! Pray for the TRP Ministry! God blessed em! That through them lives will be touched. Movements everywhere so that everyone knows someone who truely knows CHRIST!

Yeahh….Now…Time to pour out some pain.Then …again maybe not…but there is this person I want to beat to pulp. Seriously Sometimes I wished it had never started…all the problems and all… I feel so much I giving up. It don’t seem worth it to fight it at all….Especially when you are fighting alone…when 2 persons are suppose to fight…It’s really depressing…..Furthermore… One scary thing thing I learn about myself. I always want more and better….one good thing I learn about myself…I can be faithful and choose to love despite of that. I’m proud of myself =]
Still…Today…Will be tough. BUT I’ll make it a good day. Time for QT!

God’s Favored Child.

Again and Again…God has shown His Mercy, Love and Grace for me.
I asked myself today. Why me? Why am I so blessed?
A seemingly boring looking prayer seminar became a treasure that only I of all the young people given the opportunity received.

The Prayer Seminar’s speaker is Pastor Thng. And … He is a man who has an interesting relationship with the Lord. One that many can learn from and from his closeness with God, he blessed those at the Seminar very much. He shared pretty much from the word of God.

And I learnt alot and reconciled with God. It’s like being healed and relieved from a heavy burden. I felt myself free from the baggages I carry as I begin to trust them upon Jesus.

Too much to share and I’m too tired….

Waking to a Nightmare.

I dream of it. Was prepared for it. Still… it hurts.

Dream of an old man asking me of a promise I made to God… I promise that I broke over and over again. In that dream…I remembered the horror… I was speechless….wanting to defend myself but I know that I’ve failed. I’ve failed to protect her. I find myself lying and justifying and I know … I know is it’s futile lying to someone who already knows the answer…

Today…was the day… I broke the promise a final time. Such a failure I am huh? What was suppose to be happy turned sourly tragic. Well…now…I’m kind of lost. What’s going to happen? Has it been decide? Is there hope….was there ever hope? I seriously don’t know. . . I felt numb for some reason. Maybe I’m withdrawing again? Well…time will tell.

Met the Crusaders in the evening… Miss those noisy bunch a lot…It’s great to be able to be with the group you can share deep things and chat casually… There’s no need to worry while chatting…because you know that everybody can be trusted and they are on the same page as you. I really miss them… Alot of them are doing well…God bless them…

Met Audrey too in the Afternoon. She’s one of the few I can talk to too! Or at least she’s always with alot of interesting topics. Hmmm….I guess I do miss my poly days…

Send Winnie to her tuition today… kind of far to travel to work but at least she seems to enjoy it. Hmmm….If only….

1 Month left…

You are God alone

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that�s just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You�re the only God
Whose power none can contend
You�re the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You�re the only God
Who�s worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that�s just the way it is

[chorus]

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That�s what You are

Pouring out a little.

Never thought I will blog again. Well…This time I need a little outlet.

A year ago was my birthday and I can hardly remember what happened. Now that my birthday is approaching, I thought I’ll feel excited or happy but all I feel is dread and disappointment.

I can’t explain why I feel this way. Maybe it’s because of a pending punishment waiting back in my NS camp for me on the day or my birthday or maybe I’m just disappointed that NS ruined alot of my plans.

Recently, Officers made a check and found my PSP. Not that I intend to do anything illegally but i didn’t know that it was illegal. Well….using various observations and means to justify myself, I did not know that only my course cannot bring a PSP. It was horrible. Now I had to be served some punishment. The word ‘serve’ is nice and good. You serve someone that you love and care for. NS turn that word into some horrid thing that everyone wants to avoid.

hahaha…Maybe that is why the guys in church are not standing up to serve. Maybe They thought they are serving extras. Heees. Still I rather be in Church than anywhere else.

Ahh…forget the sad part of my life. Carine Agreed to lend me her condo to have my belated birthday party! yeah! I’m glad it’s belated because no one seems to have done it before ….soo… I’m the first ! I love to break senseless traditions and things like that. Desmond, Shawn and Audrey agreed to help out with the planning. Much to my delight. special thanks to them for being a joy in a time of gloom. Well…in the times when your parents fail you quite a bit. I remember the old envy i have of the parents around me. The thought of why can’t my parents be like that.

I feel that I’ve wasted today…..Didn’t to do much baking that I expected …..didn’t get to watch a movie I anticipated… Didn’t get to buy stuff that I really need and it worries me alot…..and didn’t do much at all….Have I made the right choice?  I hate wasting time now…that it is so precious….I hate not acheiving what i set up to do…

And I hate NS. Hahahahha. Seriously…protecting the nation is noble but….arghh….it’s not easy or a delight.

Gonna go celebrate my birthday with my family…somehow I’m not in any celebratory mood. Maybe my parents should lodge a complain to the SAF for spoiling my birthday. Hahaha…that’s Drastic. But nice.

So many tales yet I cannot communicate.

Read my past few blogs. remembered my High Quest. I Will PERSEVERE!

What keeps me going

Backed!

With a 1x Guard Duty at Chinese New Year.

Got myself a PSP. Real Happy with it. First time I brought something beyond $50 for myself. HAHAHA.

Anyway. Nothing much to complaint about. Wanna just share something happy. My life in camp had been amazing because of one thing. Lives changed by God. I see people opening up and messaging out prayer requests. I see people growing in faith and even some shown solid walk with God. I’m so touch and encouraged. In fact it’s the only thing that kept me moving on. Seriously. I’m current void of ambition. Not chasing money or fame. It makes life in OCS a bit tough. Cos I’m content to be me. While I’m being crafted to be a leader. So…it’s tough but. Hey! If what I go through brings people to God, I WILL!

Now I gotta put God above myself. I’ve been putting God quite far back on the list it will not do. Hmm…Needa get peeps to pray for me! Hahaha…I miss church! And Tml’s SUNDAY! YEAHYEAHYEAH!

Okk..

No time le…